Spotlight: Michael Cole

Sep 11, 2014


1) What is your favorite condiment? Why is it superior to all other condiments, in your opinion? (If you actually hate condiments, explain why, you weirdo.)

Is ice cream a condiment? No? Well I have to admit, I’ve bought into the (somewhat) recent guacamole craze. I’m willing to try anything a restaurant serves if it contains guacamole or avocado right now.

2) What has getting this job changed for you? (Are you planning on moving to a new apartment? Are you going to get a dog…I’m using those examples because that’s what I did.)

Biggest change is that I just bought a car this past weekend, I feel like I’ve told tons of people already, but… it’s a 2012 Volkswagen Sportwagen. So yes, it’s a station wagon, but I have driven a 1992 Dodge Caravan for the past 6 years, so driving something without a lot of room in it just didn’t make sense to me. I like it a lot, and for those that care, it’s black.

Apartment seems to be a bit of an in the future decision, since my parents live in Middletown it’s hard to turn down free rent, food, and wifi for a little while, but eventually I’ll be looking for an apartment closer to the city for sure.

Other than that? I can’t take my naps anymore… they were a huge part of my college life, and I lament this fact daily.

I don’t know what else, I’ll probably either join a tennis club or rock climbing gym, or both if I’m feeling crazy. I miss being active on a regular basis, it hasn’t happened for about 2 years now so hopefully that is a change that comes with this job too, but I got pretty good at the whole lazy thing senior year (See ‘naps’ above).

3) You get to play DJ on Friday. List the first 3 songs you would choose.

Friday — Rebecca Black (Easy Choice)

Friday I’m in Love — The Cure (To Bring it Back Down a Bit)

Saturday Night’s Alright — Elton John (For When Friday isn’t all it’s cracked up to be)

Sorry, had to do it. For realzies?

(In the Air Tonight — Phil Collins,

I Can Lift a Car — Walk the Moon,

Feelin’ This — Blink-182)

4) I have a hard time imagining you ever getting in trouble as a kid. Did that ever happen?

So… I was a pretty high maintenance child. I also hated kindergarten, I thought it was a huge waste of my time, and I let the teacher know, every day. I was appalled that they wouldn’t let me just stay at home and teach myself or just move me up to first grade (Obviously I had some social skills to learn from kindergarten… They didn’t take that well at first).

Sometime in the spring of that year I was just sick of it. I had to wake up early everyday, comb my hair, leave my television, swing, dog, and video games (the important things in life) and then sit around and listen to a woman, that I was positive was stupider than me, teach me things I already knew. So, being sick of this ridiculous form of torture I decided I would try to tell her one more time that I didn’t need to be there (I’m sure I sounded like a tiny squeaky version of mental patient screaming about not being sick and it was a mistake to be in the mental ward in the first place).

I tried to tell her, and when she wouldn’t listen I got angry, eventually I was fed up and just threw my pencil at her… she did not like that.

The best part was that in kindergarten there was no getting in trouble, and I knew that. The only punishment for bad behavior was getting your name written in a book and the teacher would show ‘the book’ to parents during conferences; no detention, no suspension, no loss of recess. So I knew I could do whatever I wanted, whenever… needless to say, my name went in the book again.

The hollow threats never scared me then, first grade is when detentions and losing recess started, so after this incident I don’t think I ever officially got in trouble again. But I was a rebellious 5 year old.

5) You have special talent(s), yes?! What are they? Why did you pursue them?

If ping pong counts then that comes from growing up playing at tennis tournaments, all of our downtime was always spent around the ping pong table.

I’m a pretty wicked whistler. Protip, I whistle with my tongue not my lips, as a kid I just thought cartoons whistled with their lips because it was easier to draw.

I’m relatively musical, I play cello and bass. I also played in a steel band for a year in college. It may be dorky, but it was so fun. I also play a mean Jaw Harp.

I can complete the flags of the world quiz on Sporcle 100% and have like 8 minutes to spare on the clock. (Hello Bachelor Degree in International Studies).

I’m pretty darn good at watching movies & tv. I pursued this because I like it.

I once ate a cicada to get a free Chipotle Burrito, that’s a talent and reason, right?

Talent I wish I had? Tie between: 1. Being able to Swim. 2. Brevity.

6) What’s one book you think is so great that would recommend it to anyone?

Elegance of the Hedgehog by Muriel Barbery. It came recommended by a friend about 2 years ago and it was one of the most enjoyable books I’ve ever read and is the book that kicked off my love of reading fiction again. Hard to make it sound good in writing but I highly recommend it and really like to talk about it.

(I would have said the Chronicles of Narnia, but that’s a 7 book series, which felt like cheating… also, it might technically be a kids series).

7) Since you are now an expert finder of internet things, give us one more silly web-related-whatever.

I don’t care if this is cheating, this article is one of my favorite things I’ve ever found on the Internet:

(The 9 Most Brilliant Pieces of Comedy Hiding on YouTube).

It includes everything I look for in Internet comedy: funny writing, funny videos, poorly done music (#9), super heroes frightening children (#7), 50cent (#6), Star Wars (#5), and terrifying computer animation (#2)… I’m laughing as I type this, I just can’t get over how funny some of these videos are, even though I’ve seen them 50+ times.

8) What is a menial task you go to extraordinary lengths to avoid?

Tying my shoes… I hate it. I used to triple and quadruple knot my shoes as a kid so that I wouldn’t have to tie them again. I don’t still do it, but do still hate tying my shoes… pretty much the only reason I look forward to becoming an old man is so that I can wear shoes with velcro, or even just slippers 100% of the time.