The Five Truths of Moving (in your twenties)

May 12, 2014


In three days, I will be moving for the fourteenth time in my twenty-five years of existence. I’m by no means a expert in the art of moving, and I’m aware that homeowners with families probably have a totally different experience of the process than I do as a perpetual renter and recent college grad. But maybe not.

In these next few days, as anticipation for my impending relocation amplifies, I’ll be reminding myself of the following unrelenting truths I’ve come to accept as part of every moving adventure:

5. You will not get adequate sleep during this process.
This isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Excitement for your new habitat will probably keep you wired the eve of the big event, and once you’re situated and have had your fill of pizza and beer (see #2), it will be impossible to sleep soundly among the unpacked boxes, empty cabinets and blank walls. You will want to nest nonstop, and you will, until you’re exhausted and hate everything and you know what? Sleeping behind a fortress of boxes doesn’t sound like such a bad idea after all.

4. You will realize you are not as in shape as you previously thought.
I don’t care how fit you actually are, or how many flights of stairs you’ve climbed in your day—no one adequately prepares themselves for the physical exhaustion that is moving day. There will be huffing and puffing, and maybe even some tears as you haul heavy, awkwardly shaped object after heavy, awkwardly shaped object into your new home. Yes, it’s perfectly acceptable to count this as your workout for the day. Or month.

3. You will seriously consider embracing a minimalist lifestyle (and burning everything you own that weighs over 30 pounds).
Taking #4 into consideration, there will be at least one moment where you question the purpose behind every piece of furniture you own. Bookcases? Who reads books anymore? And a sofa? Will you REALLY need something like that cluttering up your living room? Your mind will go to incredible lengths to justify abbreviating the moving process and giving your tired, out-of-shape body a break. But you are not a minimalist. You cannot replace your bed with a mat, and your friends will hate you for making them sit on the floor during movie night. You know these things.

2. Pizza and/or beer will make a cameo at some point throughout the day.
Obviously. If you managed to dupe any of your friends or family members into helping you, you probably bribed them with pizza and beer. Also, your new fridge is empty, your dishes and kitchen appliances are still packed up in boxes and you’re probably craving carbs after all that physical labor. Pizza and/or beer are the natural solution to these problems. No use fighting this one.

1. You will promise yourself and everyone around you that you’ll never move again—and inevitably break that promise in the future.
We’ll never learn.